A Man of Many Faces...

Sometime this summer Jordan decided to grow out a beard. I'm not exactly when and I'm not totally sure why either, but he did and here it is in all it's "Duck Dynasty" glory. Well, almost.

THE BEARDED DRAGON!

[Get it!?] 

I think he might have rather been enjoying the look, but this lady was not. I enjoy the look of a scruffy, manly, bearded man; but as it turns out, beards are more of a thing of theory. They look good in theory and even in implementation, but kissing up on my bearded man is not as quite as sexy as Ryan Gosling makes it out to be in "The Notebook."

[I'd still probably get it on with him, beard or no beard!] 

So alas, BEARDY had to go.
I convinced Jordan to have some fun with it and we shaved all sorts of looks before finally getting rid of it all and returning to me my smooth baby faced husband. 

Here are some of the best... 

A hearty pair of 1800's MUTTON CHOPS! 

The Classic "too-old-to-be-in-a-boy-band-but-still-in-a-boy-band" extended side burns and goatee.

[Unfortunately to get the Mutton Chops we had to forgoe the REAL boy band gem, the sliver of hair along the whole chin line leading into a goatee look as made popular by The Backstreet Boys' AJ McLEAN. I was more bummed about this than I should have been really.]

Plain Moustache & Goatee Combo. 

Channeling Edward Norton from "American History X," only less angry. 

I guess he liked this look!  

Handle Bar Moustache & Soul Patch. 

I really wish we could have shaved everything but the souls patch to see that extra douchey look, but then we couldn't have completed our next two looks... 

THE RON SWANSON

Now I know that THE TOM SELLECK is the original RON SWANSON, but lets be real here, no one, not even my fine hunk of man meat, can recreate the beauty and the glory that is THE MAGNUM, PI. We would have needed some Rogain for Moustaches and a thickening agent and maybe even some moustache dye to try to pull off a moustache that magnificent. And frankly, we have too much respect for Mr. Selleck, so we didn't even try.  

And finally, Jordan's last shave before he was a baby faced teen again... 

[Viewer discretion is advised!] 

THE HITLER

Yes, we went there! 

[Please don't unsubscribe!] 

And finally, Jordan was back to his old self. 

THE DRAGON

Gee, you think he'd be a little happier! 

Well, we have discovered that my favorite look is a clean shaven hubby, pretty sure Jordan loved the beard; what about Baby, what did Baby like best? 

The votes are in... 

Feeling it out... 

...not too sure about this caterpillar... 

"Mikey likes it!" 

The Brian Fantana with a soul patch for the win!

Kid tested, Daddy approved.

A third of a year come and gone...

Baby boy is 4 months old! 

We are a little late on the post because we have had visitors [again...]

Here is whats new in this adorable little guys life...

[click picture to enlarge] 

Grandma and Uncle Zack came to visit for a long Labor Day weekend and Harrison is still very hesitant about new people. I don't blame him though, he is at home with Mama all day long so he has grown very fond of me and sometimes daddy. I have been making it a point to take him to "play group" at the church to socialize him. He has no interest in the other kids or their toys, only wants to lay and play with his. He has gotten used to their screaming [most the kids are significantly older than him and can run around] and ruckus, he isn't as terrified as his first day.

He is doing a really good job at sitting up with assistance. He has always been big on standing and sitting and I think soon, here, he'll be sitting up on his own. He is reaching all his monthly milestones and is a great learner! We do ABC flashcards with letters and word associated pictures, which he just loves! We can usually get all the way to Q or R before he starts to get fussy and bored. He coos and talks back to me as I say the letters and you can really see him watching my mouth, trying to mimic me.

As I said last month, he discovered his feet, and he now loves to lay with his bum up in the air holding onto his toes... only a matter of time before he will get those in his mouth too!

Along with sucking, drooling and putting everything in his mouth-- Harrison has taken up LICKING. EVERYTHING. If you're holding him you can bet he will be licking your shoulder, it's the creepy baby equivalent of the weird kid in high school who leans forward and smells your hair... yeah we'll work on that! Ha ha. Really though, he is just very curious and only has a very few ways to explore his surroundings and taste is his easiest option right now!

I guess the biggest change from last month to now is that we seem to have a little Houdini on our hands! Harrison is becoming a master escape artist and can almost wiggle right out of his vibrating chair. We have to strap him into his swing because he arches his back and turns sideways to roll and almost falls out! He does the same in his car seat, as he HATES being in it, but loves car rides-- oh, baby logic! If only they understood, it would just make Mama-Life so much easier, huh?

And lastly, his new favorite thing is WALKS. Only, again-- baby logic, he really doesn't like being in his stroller, so Mommy or Daddy have to carry him facing outward so he can see the big world around him! He is a mini male version of Dora the Explorer and just wants to see it all!

I can't believe my baby boy is going to be sitting, eating foods and crawling soon! The days go slow but the weeks and months fly by. Harrison is our little lovebug and we are so blessed to be the parents of such a happy, wiggly and eager baby boy! 

Loco, Laca, Besa

I used to run around calling people, "loco, laca, besa" while twirling my finger in a circle around my ear and yelling with a crude Hispanic accent, 

"You crazy in the brain! You loco!" 

I later learned it was actually, "Loco en la cabeza," but you know how quickly those Mexicans speak and it all slurs together. You never have any idea whether they just said three words or thirty! And I say, 'those Mexicans' in only the most endearing of ways; my uncle is one of THEM, so it's not racist when I say it. [Isn't that the rule? If you know someone who knows someone who's black then you can't be called a racist, that works with all ethnicities, right?] When you're six and getting your information from your burly Mexican cow wrangling uncle, things are bound to get misconstrued. He once told me what apple pie was made out of at a family holiday... 

"Do you know what's in that pie?" 

"Yeah, Tio, apples. It's apple pie." 

"NO. It's bulls juevos. Do you know what that is?" 

"No?" 

"BULLS BALLS!" 

Yep, my Uncle Tony told me apple pie was made out of bulls balls. 

And who knows, it might have been. I can't be sure who brought the pie, so maybe he made it and was playing a Thanksgiving prank on everyone. 

And I never ate apple pie again.
No, seriously. I am nearing my thirtieth birthday and I have yet to taste apple pie since that fated day. I have only recently taken up eating whipped cream again; only on things I can be certain are NOT bulls balls. See, there was whipped cream on the pie and I associated it with the traumatizing event of the day; surprised I still use forks? Honestly, me too.

Jordan has been thinking lately that I am a little crazy in the head because I'm a little bit overprotective of my family and our home. He'll tell you it's more than a little, but like my Tio Tony-- he can't be trusted. 

I keep warning Jordan not to open the door to salespeople and most certainly not to give our information out to a n y o n e . Summer salesmen [and one super butch lesbian that came by last week-- again, I am protected by the rule of association, my sister and her lover are lesbians!] are so pushy and NOSEY! And there are all sorts of scams going on out there, so it's really best to politely tell them we're entirely not interested and let them go on their way. Jordan is a trusting guy and I used to be a pretty trusting gal, but I've got a defenseless little one to protect now, so my Mama Bear instincts are kicking into full gear and I see nothing wrong with just telling people we're in no need of their services and asking them to leave.

  

Well, the latest scam is this: Some "foreigners" [I don't know a single "foreigner" so I have to put it in quotes like that] come to your door and tell you they're selling children's books to raise money for their stay here in America. When you tell them you have no children and are not interested, they ask you to point out houses in the neighborhood that do have children. Or if you DO have children, whether you buy books or not, they will ask you to come inside to use your bathroom. If you oblige, they come in and look around to locate your child's bedroom so they can later tell their handler where your children sleep at night because they are not foreign exchange students at all, they are pawns in a sex trafficking ring looking for children to kidnap! 

I know, I thought this all was a little elaborate when I first heard about it too!

Until I was at my friends house AND IT HAPPENED! 

Nobody got kidnapped, but some very pushy foreign girl had come to the door before I'd gotten there and luckily nobody had given her information, but rather told her the police were being called, at which point she ran off, got into a sketchy car at the corner of the street and high tailed it out of there. 

Totally scary, right? 

Turns out, I am not crazy after all. HA- Jordan! 

Well, I did meet this particular friend on the internet and was meeting her for the first time that day... so maybe I am a just slightly loca en mi cabeza.

The Meaning of Life

My first year of college I had an amazing English teacher. He was passionate about reading and writing, and he brought out my love for the penned word. He made us read the terribly dated Shakespearean kind of books I hate, but let us write the way we wanted. He was old. Very old and I think he liked me because I breathed life into my writings. My very first assignment I got a 29/30, yet he didn't leave any comments for correction. He just couldn't give me a perfect score on the first day. I called him out on it. He just smiled and left me with my grade one point shy of perfection. 

One day he assigned us a paper to be titled, "The Meaning of Life." I took it very seriously and wanted to paint a picture of the life I'd lived in my short nineteen years. 

______________________________________________________________________________

The meaning of life is death.

For it is only when faced with death that we realize all we will miss about life... what made life worth living. People try to avoid or prolong the inevitable, but eventually it catches up with us. And when it does, in those few moments before our last breath is stolen, we realize what the meaning of life is.

Was.

The meaning of life was...

Grandmas pancakes in the summer mornings with ice cream instead of butter

Freshly baked Jiffy blueberry muffins for dessert

The Crazy Hat Parade

Wearing that stupid white sweater while watching our first movie together

Laughing a dozen different laughs for what seemed like hours straight

Hiding in the cabinet just to see if I would fit

Stealing a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree... 

& decorating it with various objects from around the house like keg cups and candy wrappers

THE ENTIRE WEEKEND IN SAN FRANCISCO 

Becoming the object of Tony Guides desire

Mark, in an 'oh so gentle manly' manner saving me from 

having become Tony's sudden eye candy 

Sitting in the walnut tree in the prettiest run down yard  

"Mulan" with sweaty Crisco

Little girl tears for a 'real' family 

Gangsta' Thug Night

All of Matt's baseball games 

Twelve and behind the wheel of Christie's car!

Flirting with disaster at the Fun Factory...

S t a l k i n g ! 

April Fools Day jokes-- accidentally not jokes 

The seven hour drive, not the destination, but the seven 

hours in the car alone with nothing but static and thoughts 

Mom looking for Toni's tombstone even though she was cremated 

Chasing after Jordan in the boys room

My second grade crush, *Shawn*

The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"My love" / "Mi amor" 

Trick-or-treating a day early every year! 

Being the only ones w/o kids watching "Shrek" on the side of a building in the park 

The look of shock in all our eyes that night on the pier as we watched that sand shark go limp, 

not knowing what the fisherman meant when he said he was going to 'slap it'

"The Brady Bunch" 

Talking to Dolly in the middle of the night as though telling my problems to as horse was going to be therapeutic in some way! 

Telling my problems to a horse actually being therapeutic... 

Passionately showering 

The Cheerleader and Miss Popularity being jealous of ME. 

                                                                  ...even if for a fleeting moment! 

"Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?" 

The disaster that became of The Princess Party 

Taco Bell Dan 

Crying myself to sleep 

How proud he was when he made it

triumphantly out of his first pickle! 

Promises about the last seven minutes before the exploding sun chars the earth

Hating high school 

Loving high school 

Fearing life  

E M B R A C I N G  L I F E ! 

Dancing under the moonlight actually being ROMANTIC as opposed to cheesy 

The words: I love you  

5 AM Denny's breakfast 

LOTR-athon

Getting kicked out of Wal*Mart 

Being onstage 

"Big A" 

Speaking at 8th grade graduation 

Being genuinely surprised by my surprise party 

Loving Brian Stirling, even if it turns out he was gay 

Girls Weekend in Sonora 

Shamelessly flirting with our older brothers friends

Trying desperately to fit in, while trying desperately not to look like I was desperately trying to fit in! 

Making a best friend in a Hamburger Pal 

"The Elf Kings" 

Incredible Hulk Underwear 

Promising not to leave Amanda and then ditching her to be tackled 

Purposefully trying to get searched by Immigration every time I pass the checkpoint so I'll have "one of those life stories" to tell

Kyke dancing in the middle of the street with a drunk homeless guy at prom 

Burger King crowns just to steal her birthday spotlight! 

"God! You're people are so dramatic!" 

"Story at Eleven" 

Trying to explain Sarah's "Porn/Pizza/Pool Party" to the police

The rules of the Second Floor 

Jackson the dead potato bug 

The Temecula House 

The Halfway Table! 

My little "Farm Boy" and the most lame house party ever!

That night on the 'Community House' roof 

Brutal honesty in the jacuzzi 

Finding my long lost triplet sisters 

Cramming muffins in my purse to get our moneys worth out of a buffet 

KFC Crew, KFC-4-Life! 

Martin the hairy rhino doll 

Voting for Arnold Schwarzenegger just so I could tell my grand kids one day that I voted for The Governator! 

Fighting about the strike, most ridiculous waste of a date night 

Stealing Store One's better Christmas tree 

"The Roger Doll" 

Harmless illegal acts 

Braving Blacks Beach with Sarah  

Joe's Crab Shack and the birth of 'The Crabs' 

Friendly strangers and the "Drink Nazi" 

Fearing I will have no one to walk me down the aisle to give me away 

Hidden advertisements working; Cup of Noodles over the phone with Eddie

Couples dancing in the back of KFC to "I Swear" by Boyz II Men, as the car in the drive thru blasted the radio while stuck in line with the kitchen speaker still activated 

Never giving a damn whether or not I people liked or accepted me, 

but knowing how good it feels when they do 

The "Baby Factory" and the cookie that knows all 

Disneyland with the last two people I would expect 

Circling 'YES' 

Crazy Hat Day in Summer School 

'Gabo' on the window

Sara's 'racy panties!' 

"Heyyyyy yooooou guuuuuuuys!" 

F A M I L Y

The meaning of life is not one defining moment; it's not something that can easily be summed up in 1005 words. The meaning of life is what makes us want to keep living. The meaning of life are those little things you cannot explain to others, it's the inside jokes and the "Ya' had to be there" moments. The meaning of life is the most random memory that we think of in class, while waiting at the doctors office or in the car on the way to work, that make us laugh out loud, get teary eyed or smirk for no particular reason.

The meaning of life is why we fear death.

______________________________________________________________________________

When my friend Mikhail saw my grade he scoffed, saying he was going to "write a list" but decided against it because he knew he'd be failed. You know when kids dissect contractions to make their word count meet the requirements... I think he assumed my "list" was doing just that, but I met the word quota and then some. And then a lot actually. 

I think it was obvious I was the teachers pet. The golden child. He saw my potential and my goal was to surpass his every expectation. I'd like that sort of motivation in my life again. I should take writing more seriously, even if it's just blogging for now. 

I wonder how this assignment would look if I wrote it now, ten years later...

The best three years!

Yesterday was mine and Jordan's three year wedding anniversary. 

I guess I don't really need to say, "wedding anniversary" since we're not one of those overly-in-love-passionate-about-everything-totally-nerdy couples who celebrate EVERYTHING... 

-------------------------------------------

the day they met 

[I saw him in church, giving his first Talk since returning home from his mission and thought he was a complete dork with a bad haircut], 

the day they officially met 

[some FHE event where we were making collages of our New Years Resolutions], 

their first date 

["Guys & Dolls" at the Temecula theatre with Indian food for dinner-- did I mention no kiss at the end of the night!?], 

their first kiss 

[F I N A L L Y ! -- 7 days later outside of Laura Easler's sisters house], 

the first time meeting each others family 

[I was in a Bible Study class with his mom and she gave me an a portable alarm clock for my birthday so I could have her son home at a 'reasonable hour,' and he met my family the first time while sporting a pedophilic mustache and spouting racist remarks over a game of "Loaded Questions"],

  when they were official 

[who the heck knows, I guess after I traveled 10 hours by car with him and his family to attend his great grandmas funeral in February, you'd have to call that pretty official, right?], 

their first pet 

[Albert, the broken-winged hummingbird], 

their first fight 

[wait, are there really people who celebrate e v e r y t h i n g ? !]

their first weekend away 

[camping with friends in the middle of nowhere], 

their engagement 

[April 19, 2010 at the lake. He had me so confused; it was too early for a proposal, but he was going for it anyway!], 

their wedding 

[well, we all know the answer to that one, now don't we? ...please see the topic of this post if you haven't figured it out yet], 

-----------------------------------------

but we're not those kinds of people... thank heavens! 

That would be exhausting! 

We are simple people. 

People who celebrate the important things in life.

The real things in life. 

And so we do celebrate our anniversary each year. Big or small; a celebration is an important reminder of the love we have, of the eternal connection we made in front of family, friends and most importantly God, that day three years ago. We swore our lives to each other, our undying love. We promised for better or worse. Through hard times and good. Promised to kiss and make up, never to let things fester long enough to create resentment, never to use the word, 'hate.' To love, honor and cherish one another and the children that make us a family. 

When I think back on that day, a sunny day in fall, I have fond memories. No matter how much I make fun of our Sam's Club cake with fake flowers and the hard metal chairs clinking on the basketball painted floor of the gym, my heart is filled with a love so strong, I never thought possible.

I love this man.

I think back on the glances we gave from across the room, as guests tore us from each other to dance, give well wishes and party the evening away. I am reminded of the first time I knew Jordan was the one... we shared a similar moment months earlier; a glance across the room where our eyes met and locked in a stare at the other. He was gorgeous in his crisp black suit, at a Missionary Reunion, speaking with an old friend, as an older gentleman who knew Jordan well spoke with me about how great he was. As the old man talked Jordan up, I looked across the room, hoping to shoot him a look that said, "Save me!" and took notice of his confident and commanding stature. I looked him up and down and realized I was head over heels in love with this man across the room. I knew he was perfect for me... so later that year when he got down in the sand on one knee and asked me to marry him, I knew I would be the luckiest woman ever, to call myself his WIFE!

*****************

We entered the temple that day as individuals and walked out, hand in hand, an eternal couple. A small family unit that can be together forever and ever. 

Thank you for three amazing years babe. 

Growing old with you is going to be fun! 

xoxoxo

#sorrynotsorry

I tried something a little new today... I price matched at Wal*Mart! 

Yes, this is the exciting news of a new stay at home mom. Lord help me!

I was looking through some ads wile baby was napping yesterday and was thinking about how I had to go to Wal*Mart to get laundry and dish soap anyway, so I may as well make it my one stop shop. I mean, with baby in tow, getting out and about is not exactly easy. Now I've seen "Extreme Couponers"and those people may as well just film an episode of "Hoarders" while they're at it because that's where they're headed. This was noting like that. Although I did have a coupon or two. (Okay, three, but only three I promise.) And I only got what we needed, just at a discounted price.

But that's not the story. The story begins when I was checking out. 

Harrison had been sleeping (score one for Mama, as I planned our trip around his nap schedule), but had woken while in line and was screaming his head off to get out of his carrier. I really didn't want to take him out because it was not going to be worth it when I'd just have to fight to get him back in after checking out. Well I caved and took him out because the cashier was really slow and it was taking longer than expected. Baby is happy, but of course, now I'm holding baby (not old enough to be baby on hip, still needs Mama to help with head support or he might fling himself backwards) and loading the conveyor belt at the same time. ...and it was a big haul shopping trip so I've got all sort of heavy bulk items.

At some point an older couple gets on line behind me. Then once the lady has started ringing me up a man in his late thirties gets in line behind them with no more than a handful of items so they let him go ahead. Well he's still behind me and I'm  sorry, but the cashier has already started ringing me otherwise I would have been more than happy to let him cut. Which by the way, I always do.

As the cashier is ringing, I'm still unloading my cart; balancing a heavy little baby in one hand while reaching deep into the cart to get all the cans and yogurt that rolled back under the baby carrier with the other. Now-- don't think I'm slowing her down any though because I unloaded plenty for her to start ringing before she even started and I guarantee you I'll be done before she is; but lets say you were behind me and did perhaps think I as going too slowly... Here's a thought: BE A GENTLEMAN AND HELP A LADY!

Instead he chooses to stand there and loudly sigh and shift feet back and forth. Go to self checkout bro. Go to the 15 items or less line. I don't know what to tell you brother, I guess you just got in the wrong line. Happens to the best of us.

He gets visibly frustrated when I inform the cashier that the last half of my groceries are price match items and I go through each group of items one by one rattling off the sale price. Honestly, this takes I maybe an extra 5 minutes. [Less if she could figure out "4 for $5" without me having to tell her.] It's a promotion WalMart offers which I should not be made to feel guilty for taking advantage of. 

Even though it's not my fault that I'm shopping to stock my cupboards on a budget, I still turn and apologize.

 "Sorry," I said shrugging my shoulders because I am sorry he's inconvenienced, but at the same time-- this ain't the convenience store and he'snot glued to the floor, so don't be mad you couldn't fly through.

Nothing. He acted like I didn't just talk straight to him.

Meanwhile the old man behind him is staring, looking annoyed, at me while his wife reads a magazine. At least someone's getting their Kardashian fix!

When my items are rung and I swipe my card to pay I apologize to the cashier, as I imagine it's not easy working for minimum wage having to do some extra work and deal with what I am sure was not going to be a pleasant interaction with the fellow behind me.

I'm sure that jerk let out a sigh of relief as I walked off with my bargain basket. 

Let me be very clear about one thing-- I don't care. 

If saving a few bucks here and there means I get to stay at home with my baby, then I will gladly check ads and clip coupons! 

#sorrynotsorry