on love. ♥

this is my husband, jordan. stone-cold fox, right? yeah, he's a total babe. i definitely married up. can a girl say that? or that is such a bro thing to say? either way, he's a babe. and i love him. he is so good to me. today in sunday school we talked about 'the law of chastity' and what it means before marriage and within marriage... i think the major thing today isn't the physical affairs, it's more emotional. and maybe because people are getting into marriage for the wrong reasons. i don't pretend to be an expert by any means, so correct me where i'm wrong. jordan and i have only been married a year, but i know he's the best thing for me. when he asked me to marry him-- looking back, man, it seems like we hardly knew each other. we only dated for about 3 months before he asked my parents for my hand in marriage! but i said yes, so quickly because i saw a future with him. such a real future. it was something at the time almost tangible. i knew that at times it may not be easy. i don't think marriage ever is. i don't think that loving anyone ever is. true love involves total selflessness. i worked with this kid, andrew, for a while. and he wanted a wife so bad. (i think a lot of it is the utah bubble we live in: you serve a mission, you come home, you take a wife, you live happily ever after.) but, i feared he wanted a wife like an object to be had... so we talked about relationships a lot. i told him everything i knew from my limited 27 years of life experience. i don't know what makes a marriage or any relationship last, but i do know that being in love with an idea never works. wanting what you see others have doesn't work either. i guess it's alright to want some form of that happiness for yourself, but lasting relationships aren't built on someone else's CINDERELLA story.

i fell in love with jordan when he bought me pens. he bought pens that weren't sold in 5 stores i'd looked, he sneaked them into my makeup bag before i left his house one day and on my ride home i felt the crinkle of them beneath the zipper....with that, i knew he loved me and i knew i loved him. he cared enough about me to listen to some complaint so simple as me not being able to find the pens i preferred. i knew that if he could hear me say something so simple in passing and remember it a week later then take his time to either go out of his way to go to the store and FIND them, or remember, while at the store to stop and take a look for them, that this was someone i wanted to be with. it sounds crazy, right? pens? the fact that HE CARED enough about something so minor in my life as pens insured me that for all the big things-- he'd more than be there.

i love loving him. it's more than just the comfort that comes from being loved by another. by being wanted and needed by someone else. it's dropping your guard and admitting that you need him just as much as he needs you. do away with the pride that tells us we can do everything on our own and for ourselves. i'm confident we can, but why should we have to? why shouldn't we find someone to help us along the journey? 'help' is almost a bad word in such the independent society we live. but i say 'help' in the most positive of lights; help us find beauty in our faults, the nice side of our terrible boss, the good side of a bad day, the hope for something better than we think we deserve. this is the type of love that is lasts, i think. i hope. i'd like to say i know so. a year deep and i can't imagine life without him, can't remember any highschool crush who even came close to filling his shoes. not even the idea of smeone is as great as what he is... and what he and we together will become.