The Meaning of Life

My first year of college I had an amazing English teacher. He was passionate about reading and writing, and he brought out my love for the penned word. He made us read the terribly dated Shakespearean kind of books I hate, but let us write the way we wanted. He was old. Very old and I think he liked me because I breathed life into my writings. My very first assignment I got a 29/30, yet he didn't leave any comments for correction. He just couldn't give me a perfect score on the first day. I called him out on it. He just smiled and left me with my grade one point shy of perfection. 

One day he assigned us a paper to be titled, "The Meaning of Life." I took it very seriously and wanted to paint a picture of the life I'd lived in my short nineteen years. 

______________________________________________________________________________

The meaning of life is death.

For it is only when faced with death that we realize all we will miss about life... what made life worth living. People try to avoid or prolong the inevitable, but eventually it catches up with us. And when it does, in those few moments before our last breath is stolen, we realize what the meaning of life is.

Was.

The meaning of life was...

Grandmas pancakes in the summer mornings with ice cream instead of butter

Freshly baked Jiffy blueberry muffins for dessert

The Crazy Hat Parade

Wearing that stupid white sweater while watching our first movie together

Laughing a dozen different laughs for what seemed like hours straight

Hiding in the cabinet just to see if I would fit

Stealing a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree... 

& decorating it with various objects from around the house like keg cups and candy wrappers

THE ENTIRE WEEKEND IN SAN FRANCISCO 

Becoming the object of Tony Guides desire

Mark, in an 'oh so gentle manly' manner saving me from 

having become Tony's sudden eye candy 

Sitting in the walnut tree in the prettiest run down yard  

"Mulan" with sweaty Crisco

Little girl tears for a 'real' family 

Gangsta' Thug Night

All of Matt's baseball games 

Twelve and behind the wheel of Christie's car!

Flirting with disaster at the Fun Factory...

S t a l k i n g ! 

April Fools Day jokes-- accidentally not jokes 

The seven hour drive, not the destination, but the seven 

hours in the car alone with nothing but static and thoughts 

Mom looking for Toni's tombstone even though she was cremated 

Chasing after Jordan in the boys room

My second grade crush, *Shawn*

The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"My love" / "Mi amor" 

Trick-or-treating a day early every year! 

Being the only ones w/o kids watching "Shrek" on the side of a building in the park 

The look of shock in all our eyes that night on the pier as we watched that sand shark go limp, 

not knowing what the fisherman meant when he said he was going to 'slap it'

"The Brady Bunch" 

Talking to Dolly in the middle of the night as though telling my problems to as horse was going to be therapeutic in some way! 

Telling my problems to a horse actually being therapeutic... 

Passionately showering 

The Cheerleader and Miss Popularity being jealous of ME. 

                                                                  ...even if for a fleeting moment! 

"Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?" 

The disaster that became of The Princess Party 

Taco Bell Dan 

Crying myself to sleep 

How proud he was when he made it

triumphantly out of his first pickle! 

Promises about the last seven minutes before the exploding sun chars the earth

Hating high school 

Loving high school 

Fearing life  

E M B R A C I N G  L I F E ! 

Dancing under the moonlight actually being ROMANTIC as opposed to cheesy 

The words: I love you  

5 AM Denny's breakfast 

LOTR-athon

Getting kicked out of Wal*Mart 

Being onstage 

"Big A" 

Speaking at 8th grade graduation 

Being genuinely surprised by my surprise party 

Loving Brian Stirling, even if it turns out he was gay 

Girls Weekend in Sonora 

Shamelessly flirting with our older brothers friends

Trying desperately to fit in, while trying desperately not to look like I was desperately trying to fit in! 

Making a best friend in a Hamburger Pal 

"The Elf Kings" 

Incredible Hulk Underwear 

Promising not to leave Amanda and then ditching her to be tackled 

Purposefully trying to get searched by Immigration every time I pass the checkpoint so I'll have "one of those life stories" to tell

Kyke dancing in the middle of the street with a drunk homeless guy at prom 

Burger King crowns just to steal her birthday spotlight! 

"God! You're people are so dramatic!" 

"Story at Eleven" 

Trying to explain Sarah's "Porn/Pizza/Pool Party" to the police

The rules of the Second Floor 

Jackson the dead potato bug 

The Temecula House 

The Halfway Table! 

My little "Farm Boy" and the most lame house party ever!

That night on the 'Community House' roof 

Brutal honesty in the jacuzzi 

Finding my long lost triplet sisters 

Cramming muffins in my purse to get our moneys worth out of a buffet 

KFC Crew, KFC-4-Life! 

Martin the hairy rhino doll 

Voting for Arnold Schwarzenegger just so I could tell my grand kids one day that I voted for The Governator! 

Fighting about the strike, most ridiculous waste of a date night 

Stealing Store One's better Christmas tree 

"The Roger Doll" 

Harmless illegal acts 

Braving Blacks Beach with Sarah  

Joe's Crab Shack and the birth of 'The Crabs' 

Friendly strangers and the "Drink Nazi" 

Fearing I will have no one to walk me down the aisle to give me away 

Hidden advertisements working; Cup of Noodles over the phone with Eddie

Couples dancing in the back of KFC to "I Swear" by Boyz II Men, as the car in the drive thru blasted the radio while stuck in line with the kitchen speaker still activated 

Never giving a damn whether or not I people liked or accepted me, 

but knowing how good it feels when they do 

The "Baby Factory" and the cookie that knows all 

Disneyland with the last two people I would expect 

Circling 'YES' 

Crazy Hat Day in Summer School 

'Gabo' on the window

Sara's 'racy panties!' 

"Heyyyyy yooooou guuuuuuuys!" 

F A M I L Y

The meaning of life is not one defining moment; it's not something that can easily be summed up in 1005 words. The meaning of life is what makes us want to keep living. The meaning of life are those little things you cannot explain to others, it's the inside jokes and the "Ya' had to be there" moments. The meaning of life is the most random memory that we think of in class, while waiting at the doctors office or in the car on the way to work, that make us laugh out loud, get teary eyed or smirk for no particular reason.

The meaning of life is why we fear death.

______________________________________________________________________________

When my friend Mikhail saw my grade he scoffed, saying he was going to "write a list" but decided against it because he knew he'd be failed. You know when kids dissect contractions to make their word count meet the requirements... I think he assumed my "list" was doing just that, but I met the word quota and then some. And then a lot actually. 

I think it was obvious I was the teachers pet. The golden child. He saw my potential and my goal was to surpass his every expectation. I'd like that sort of motivation in my life again. I should take writing more seriously, even if it's just blogging for now. 

I wonder how this assignment would look if I wrote it now, ten years later...

The best three years!

Yesterday was mine and Jordan's three year wedding anniversary. 

I guess I don't really need to say, "wedding anniversary" since we're not one of those overly-in-love-passionate-about-everything-totally-nerdy couples who celebrate EVERYTHING... 

-------------------------------------------

the day they met 

[I saw him in church, giving his first Talk since returning home from his mission and thought he was a complete dork with a bad haircut], 

the day they officially met 

[some FHE event where we were making collages of our New Years Resolutions], 

their first date 

["Guys & Dolls" at the Temecula theatre with Indian food for dinner-- did I mention no kiss at the end of the night!?], 

their first kiss 

[F I N A L L Y ! -- 7 days later outside of Laura Easler's sisters house], 

the first time meeting each others family 

[I was in a Bible Study class with his mom and she gave me an a portable alarm clock for my birthday so I could have her son home at a 'reasonable hour,' and he met my family the first time while sporting a pedophilic mustache and spouting racist remarks over a game of "Loaded Questions"],

  when they were official 

[who the heck knows, I guess after I traveled 10 hours by car with him and his family to attend his great grandmas funeral in February, you'd have to call that pretty official, right?], 

their first pet 

[Albert, the broken-winged hummingbird], 

their first fight 

[wait, are there really people who celebrate e v e r y t h i n g ? !]

their first weekend away 

[camping with friends in the middle of nowhere], 

their engagement 

[April 19, 2010 at the lake. He had me so confused; it was too early for a proposal, but he was going for it anyway!], 

their wedding 

[well, we all know the answer to that one, now don't we? ...please see the topic of this post if you haven't figured it out yet], 

-----------------------------------------

but we're not those kinds of people... thank heavens! 

That would be exhausting! 

We are simple people. 

People who celebrate the important things in life.

The real things in life. 

And so we do celebrate our anniversary each year. Big or small; a celebration is an important reminder of the love we have, of the eternal connection we made in front of family, friends and most importantly God, that day three years ago. We swore our lives to each other, our undying love. We promised for better or worse. Through hard times and good. Promised to kiss and make up, never to let things fester long enough to create resentment, never to use the word, 'hate.' To love, honor and cherish one another and the children that make us a family. 

When I think back on that day, a sunny day in fall, I have fond memories. No matter how much I make fun of our Sam's Club cake with fake flowers and the hard metal chairs clinking on the basketball painted floor of the gym, my heart is filled with a love so strong, I never thought possible.

I love this man.

I think back on the glances we gave from across the room, as guests tore us from each other to dance, give well wishes and party the evening away. I am reminded of the first time I knew Jordan was the one... we shared a similar moment months earlier; a glance across the room where our eyes met and locked in a stare at the other. He was gorgeous in his crisp black suit, at a Missionary Reunion, speaking with an old friend, as an older gentleman who knew Jordan well spoke with me about how great he was. As the old man talked Jordan up, I looked across the room, hoping to shoot him a look that said, "Save me!" and took notice of his confident and commanding stature. I looked him up and down and realized I was head over heels in love with this man across the room. I knew he was perfect for me... so later that year when he got down in the sand on one knee and asked me to marry him, I knew I would be the luckiest woman ever, to call myself his WIFE!

*****************

We entered the temple that day as individuals and walked out, hand in hand, an eternal couple. A small family unit that can be together forever and ever. 

Thank you for three amazing years babe. 

Growing old with you is going to be fun! 

xoxoxo

#sorrynotsorry

I tried something a little new today... I price matched at Wal*Mart! 

Yes, this is the exciting news of a new stay at home mom. Lord help me!

I was looking through some ads wile baby was napping yesterday and was thinking about how I had to go to Wal*Mart to get laundry and dish soap anyway, so I may as well make it my one stop shop. I mean, with baby in tow, getting out and about is not exactly easy. Now I've seen "Extreme Couponers"and those people may as well just film an episode of "Hoarders" while they're at it because that's where they're headed. This was noting like that. Although I did have a coupon or two. (Okay, three, but only three I promise.) And I only got what we needed, just at a discounted price.

But that's not the story. The story begins when I was checking out. 

Harrison had been sleeping (score one for Mama, as I planned our trip around his nap schedule), but had woken while in line and was screaming his head off to get out of his carrier. I really didn't want to take him out because it was not going to be worth it when I'd just have to fight to get him back in after checking out. Well I caved and took him out because the cashier was really slow and it was taking longer than expected. Baby is happy, but of course, now I'm holding baby (not old enough to be baby on hip, still needs Mama to help with head support or he might fling himself backwards) and loading the conveyor belt at the same time. ...and it was a big haul shopping trip so I've got all sort of heavy bulk items.

At some point an older couple gets on line behind me. Then once the lady has started ringing me up a man in his late thirties gets in line behind them with no more than a handful of items so they let him go ahead. Well he's still behind me and I'm  sorry, but the cashier has already started ringing me otherwise I would have been more than happy to let him cut. Which by the way, I always do.

As the cashier is ringing, I'm still unloading my cart; balancing a heavy little baby in one hand while reaching deep into the cart to get all the cans and yogurt that rolled back under the baby carrier with the other. Now-- don't think I'm slowing her down any though because I unloaded plenty for her to start ringing before she even started and I guarantee you I'll be done before she is; but lets say you were behind me and did perhaps think I as going too slowly... Here's a thought: BE A GENTLEMAN AND HELP A LADY!

Instead he chooses to stand there and loudly sigh and shift feet back and forth. Go to self checkout bro. Go to the 15 items or less line. I don't know what to tell you brother, I guess you just got in the wrong line. Happens to the best of us.

He gets visibly frustrated when I inform the cashier that the last half of my groceries are price match items and I go through each group of items one by one rattling off the sale price. Honestly, this takes I maybe an extra 5 minutes. [Less if she could figure out "4 for $5" without me having to tell her.] It's a promotion WalMart offers which I should not be made to feel guilty for taking advantage of. 

Even though it's not my fault that I'm shopping to stock my cupboards on a budget, I still turn and apologize.

 "Sorry," I said shrugging my shoulders because I am sorry he's inconvenienced, but at the same time-- this ain't the convenience store and he'snot glued to the floor, so don't be mad you couldn't fly through.

Nothing. He acted like I didn't just talk straight to him.

Meanwhile the old man behind him is staring, looking annoyed, at me while his wife reads a magazine. At least someone's getting their Kardashian fix!

When my items are rung and I swipe my card to pay I apologize to the cashier, as I imagine it's not easy working for minimum wage having to do some extra work and deal with what I am sure was not going to be a pleasant interaction with the fellow behind me.

I'm sure that jerk let out a sigh of relief as I walked off with my bargain basket. 

Let me be very clear about one thing-- I don't care. 

If saving a few bucks here and there means I get to stay at home with my baby, then I will gladly check ads and clip coupons! 

#sorrynotsorry